Returning to the blogging world!!!

A Soft Place To Land

I have missed blogging and I thank you for reading my entry. The idea for this blog came to me toward the end of the school year. I have many great memories growing up, but the most poignant memories are those involving my parents providing emotional comfort  during difficult times. I am not referring to comforting our toddlers on falls, or kissing the "owies", I am referring to the one of the worst pains a mother can watch her child experience: heartbreak. Before you start thinking about boyfriends (don't), I am years from that, at least I hope. I am talking about the disappointments that are unavoidable in our child's development, but nonetheless seem at times cruel. My oldest daughter was dealt two devastating blows the last weeks of school. She put her heart and sole into an election and did not win. I know, I know this is not the end of the world, and honestly it was not the losing that was hard, it was hearing from her how her classmates cheered when the other girl won and how she had to keep it together until she got home. Then I had to find the appropriate  time to tell her she did not make a theater group she tried out for. My oldest feels it all, every last bit. There are times, dare I admit it, I wish she would not try because if she does not make it I am not sure I can handle her pain(selfish).  I cried with her and I swear I felt her pain as if it were my own. I held her, kissed her and tried to find the words. Yes she is fine and happy and has more than moved on. When I was in the 6th grade I wanted to win the school spelling bee. I studied for weeks, and I missed the first word. Like my daughter I held it together until I got home. I even tried to hold it together at home. Finally my dad just looked at me and demanded to know what was wrong I just hung my head and cried and he held me and let me. Thanks dad it was all I needed. Sometimes a soft place to land is all we have to give but it's probably all that is needed. 

Homecoming

I spend my day teaching Geometry and Algebra II to high school students in Santa Ana. Sometimes when I tell people what I do they look at me with fear as if I am going to ask them to do an Algebra problem. More often than not I hear"Oh that was not my favorite subject in school." As the fates would have it my 2 school aged children have developed quite the dislike to the subject of math. I am patient all day long with everyone else's child but when it comes to mine, well let's just say "God grant me patience because if you give me strength I might break something!"
The best part of being a working mom is definitely coming home. I love opening the door and hearing "Mommy's home" and having them all run up to me and hug me, and tell me how they missed me. This ritual lasts for about two minutes as we walk over to the homework table to begin the daily check of the work. Most subject areas check out well, except of course for math. How is it I can turn the joys of spending time with my children, and  checking homework into an absolute war zone? They are convinced that I do not know what I am talking about and I explain way too much. I am convinced that they are just not focusing enough and that they need to try harder. Usually by the end of it all we managed to get it done and leave as allies once again. I must say I love summer and time off and anytime my kids do not have homework!

My question is "Are you proud to be a mother that works outside the home?" I must say I  have never been happy working outside the home and being a mother(I love being a mother not a working one). It was never in my grand plan and I am not sure how it happened. Oh I am sure I was just going to work for a little while, save, and then I would stay home. Of course we all know what happens, we start getting use to this craziness and somehow start justifying it and then before you know it, it is your life. I have friends that love to work. One friend would tell me she couldn't wait to get back to work! Still another missed the adult world and looked forward to going back. Then there was me, crying the night before work started, convinced my daughter would not know who I was, and would start calling the nanny mommy. For some reason I would torture myself and listen to Dr. Laura so I could really feel like a complete and total loser. I am not a Dr. Laura hater, I find her plight to get mothers to stay home honorable and justified.  So back to my initial worries,  none of them happened, ok so maybe in the beginning one of my kids called the nanny mamma, of course her name is Martha so I just figured they were getting the "m" sound confused.
To try and make up for not being a stay at home mom I volunteer for as much as I can. I am a girl scout leader, a soccer mom, chair of the occasional class party, and whatever else I can fit it. My husband does not understand why I do this but of course he does not lay in bed at night regretting working and not being at home, one of the marvels of being a man. At the end of the day I try to remember that I do all that I can and the challenge is in not letting the guilt get in the way of loving them, hugging them, and enjoying them.